So Cal Story - Briefs

Hey All -

I decided to send a quick update about a few things that have happened recently and bring everyone up to speed. Here goes:

Weekend Update -

This past weekend was a long one for me. I took Thursday and Friday off because Andrew graduated from the 8th Grade on Thursday. My mom, my middle sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew and niece-in-law all came to So Cal for the graduation and also so that we (all of them and Allan, Justin, Andrew, me and the dogs) could take a trip together. Early Friday morning we drove to Lake Arrowhead and all of us stayed in the cabin/house that a friend of ours owns. My mom, sister & I went shopping and had a really great time just hangning out. We swam, fished, laughed, ate, shopped some more, and played cards - it was a lot of fun. We got up early Sunday morning and drove home in time to drop my mom off at the airport and get Andrew to his mandatory freshman football meeting. It was a nice break, a nice fathers day (Allan & the kids made me dinner), and nice to spend time with my niece Brittany (whom I haven't seen in quite some time) and also the rest of my family.

I, the Jury -

Back in May I received a summons to appear in court to perform my civic duty, and no, they weren't talking about passing out condoms during Pride. It was jury duty and believe it or not I have never been called to serve before. The date that they assigned me wasn't going to work because it was during my b-day trip to SF, so I called and they rescheduled me. I called in Sunday night and what do you know - they called my group. I have been SO MISERABLE at work lately that I was actually thrilled that my 4-day vacation was being extended. I gleefully called my boss at home and gave him the good news. I got up early Monday morning, got on the Metro train and arrived at 7:00am (early - I know, shocking that I arrived early somewhere) and checked in. Riding the train here in LA is very different than riding it in SF. In SF pretty much EVERYONE rides public transportation - from CEO's to the homeless, but in LA that doesn't happen. People in LA are pretty much defined by the type of car they drive, so to take a train or bus would not be a good reflection of ones self. That, and the system itself isn't nearly as user friendly as SF's. It doesn't go to as many places and since the city itself is so spread out (as opposed to everything in SF being so compact) it just is easier in most cases to drive yourself. I was however reminded of my beloved SF when at the second stop two tranny hookers got on my train. I spent pretty much the entire ride trying to figure out what these two "girls" were doing up at 6:30 in the morning riding the Metro train. Did they have careers? Were they on their way to an important meeting? I created about 100 different scenarios by the time they got off at the stop before mine. They didn't look strung out or anything so I decided that they were probably getting an early start on their day - you go girls! I ended up not being called for anything, but it was the most excellent day. I sat in the same chair all day long, listening to my iPod and reading the most fabulous book ("Magical Thinking" by Augusten Burroughs in case you were wondering). After spending the weekend with my kids and family it was nice to not have to speak to anyone or have anyone asking for anything all day long. I actually finished the last chapter of the book on the train ride home. It was an awesome day and I can't wait to be called next year!

DEAD END -

I tried and tried to come up with a fun and creative title to this portion but couldn't. "Ding Dong the Dick is Dead" crossed my mind, but the words DEAD and END seemed the most appropriate. On Friday while we were at the cabin I got a phone call letting me know that my uncle (the one that molested me and threatened to kill me - see the "Confession(s)" So Cal Stories for the whole story) had died. In my head I had always pictured feeling giddy with delight at this news, but in reality it was more a feeling of indifference. I called my mom and sister into the kitchen and told them - after high-fives between the three of us (he had threatened to kill both of them too), we just went on with what we were doing. He was crazy, and I really do mean crazy. Logically I know that his threat was probably made out of anger, but since he was crazy there wasn't anything he could possibly do that would surprise me. My oldest sister is of the thought that he felt bad about what he did and that he carried his remorse to his death (or something to that effect) - I say he was flippin crazy, had no remorse, didn't think he had done anything wrong, and just hated me for outing him. He died being taken care of by his equally crazy/bitch of a sister (my psychotic Aunt that I truly believe serves no purpose on earth) and I really don't think he will be missed by anyone other than my grandma and possibly his siblings (although word on the street is that most of them think/thought he was a miserable person too). For some reason that fact that he died a miserable lonely man brings me some satisfaction, but I can't describe myself as "happy" about it. I think the better way to describe it is relieved - I never have to see him again and I no longer have to worry that some day he might go over the "deep end" and come looking for me.

His death also makes me feel a sort of panic inside. I think it has to do with the fact that my dad is dealing with cancer as well and since my uncles' decline was rather rapid it makes me wonder how much time my dad has left. While he & I have never been that close, we are both making an effort to spend time with each other and to develop some sort of a relationship. He has been calling me more frequently and we have had some really great conversations. I am trying to plan a trip up to see him with my kids, but it's difficult to do with their football schedules and my work. I wish I lived closer so that seeing him was a bit easier, but the situation is what it is - I will hopefully be able to spend more time with him in the very near future. So my uncle is DEAD and for me that represents the END of a fairly significant chapter of my life which in my own way I am happy about.

Misc. -

Some of you wrote asking what it was that Dean gave me for my 40th b-day. He made me 3 cd's that had a song from each year of my life from the time I was 1 to 40. Some of the songs were significant to our friendship, some were a sign of the times and he decided that he wasn't going to repeat any artists, so it was quite the undertaking. He put a lot of thought into it and as most of you know I am very passionate about music so it was the perfect gift. Thanks again Dean!!

Also, I had mentioned to a few of you that Allan, Justin & I might be doing the AIDS LifeCycle next year. Well, it turns out that Justin's graduation from high school is during the same week of the ride and Justin decided that he really wants to participate in the graduation ceremony. I would hate for him to miss it so we are going to have to wait. We are however going to participate in a all-night walk in July that raises money for cancer - I will be sending out information (and requests for pledges) soon.

So Cal Story - You Say It's Your Birthday

Most of you know that on June 3rd I celebrated my 40th birthday. For those of you that didn't, yes, I am old. Over the years I have written about getting older and how age doesn't really have an effect on how I live my life. But recently that changed.It started with Justin getting his drivers license. As I stood there watching him drive away to school that morning (his first time driving in a car alone - at least that I am aware of) it suddenly hit me that my little baby was driving a car. Sure, I realize he is growing up - he's almost as big as me now - but I guess it didn't really mean anything until I actually saw him driving down the street.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that I could never as a young man picture myself being over the age of 40. I have no idea what I thought was going to happen to me, but I just could never see it. Another part of it is probably that I thought my parents were SO OLD when I started driving so to see him doing it was proof that I am old now too. My guess is that I will actually turn to dust and disintegrate at the exact moment he graduates from high school.

So as the BIG 4-0 approached I thought that I might actually start to be depressed. I was smart however and planned a birthday that was so exciting (to me) that all I felt leading up to it was excitement! During a recent trip to San Francisco one of my good friends told me that she was taking burlesque dance classes and that she had auditioned for a part in a show and got it. She said that the shows were going on the first 3 weekends in June and told us that if we were interested that she'd give us the 411. When I discovered that my birthday was during that time I decided right then that there was no other place that I wanted to be on my B-day then watching "Princess" dance her heart out. You see, my friend Princess is one of the girliest girls I have ever known. She LOVES sparkly jewelry and feather boas and all things pink. One year I drew her as my "secret Santa" at the office and I went & bought all of her gifts at a DRAG shop in SF - it was the best one-stop shopping I ever experienced. Don't get me wrong, she's no priss - miss thang can get down with the best of us, but in the group of the 4 of us that coordinated new hire orientation she was definitely the most fem (and before ya'll start pointing your fingers in my direction, all I wanna say is fuck off - it's my story and I can paint this picture however I want!). Anyhow, the idea of Princess in lingerie (she's VERY tall - like 5'11" - very thin and has GORGEOUS boobs - I know because she was pregnant when I worked with her and not only were all the bitches in SF jealous when she walked down the street, but she had trannies green with envy) dancing with gloves and feather boas was just too irresistible. So I bought the tickets, booked the flight, reserved the hotel room and all was set.

The morning of my B-day came and Allan & I had a early flight. As I am standing in the airport waiting to board the plane I notice a group of people wearing AIDS Lifecycle t-shirts and it dawns on me that my B-day was "day zero" for the ride. All of you know that I did California AIDS Ride 5 in 1998 and worked as a cycle buddy for AIDS Lifecycle 2 - the ride is something that is VERY important to me. It was so cool to be able to talk to a few of the riders on the plane about the event. When we got on BART to ride into the city another cyclist from the ride was on our train and she was so cool. It all reminded me of spending my birthday with Miss Creamcheese one year in SF working at day zero handing out tent assignments - it was one of the best B-day's ever and it was great that the ride got worked into my 40th. Once Allan & I got into SF we rented a car and headed to the Haight for brunch. We ate at my favorite hole in the wall there and then headed to my dad's house. I mentioned in an earlier post that my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer. He & I have never really been close and we have been trying to establish a relationship. Like a lot of people with cancer he has to take it day by day - one day the news is good and the next bad - all we know for sure is that it doesn't look good and he is in a lot of pain. The day before I visited him he'd had a blood transfusion and when I got there he looked really good. We had a really awesome visit and then Allan & I headed off to the hotel to check-in and get ready for the show. One of my other co-workers was coming to the show with us so we stopped and picked up Hoochie Mama and got some dinner. The night was a blast - Princess did a really great job (she looked FIERCE in her lingerie and heels) and after the show we went to this restaurant/bar in Sausalito that had an outdoor patio and we talked for a while and had French fries & dessert right on the water. We took Princess home, dropped Hoochie off at her place and headed back to the hotel. It was an amazing day and I did it all on 4 hours of sleep.

On Sunday Allan & I headed over to Marin County and walked through Muir Woods. We drove up the coast for a bit and then went back over to visit with my dad. My middle sister came over too and we all had a really nice visit. Sunday night we went to dinner with my friends Drew, Renttecca and Renttecca's man Rob. We went to Chow and had a lot of fun talking and eating. After that we went and got dessert and then went to Drews to watch a video of one of Renttecca's "performances". I haven't been to one of her performances in ages, and let me tell ya, things have changed since my baby used to stand on stage dressed as an angel and lip-synch "Fagot" by Korn. Apparently she posted it online and it was so vile it was removed. It was rank, crude, offensive, yet strangely fascinating and very funny. I laughed, I cried, I retched and had to hold back the vomit - what more can you ask for in a Renttecca perfomance?

Monday morning we ran to Specialties for cinnamon rolls, went back to our room (which was on the 16th floor and had a great view of the Bay Bridge) and laid in bed eating cinnamon rolls, drinking coffee and enjoying the view. We packed our crap, did a little shopping and made it to the airport on time. We got home and things are back to normal.So there it is. I had a really AWESOME birthday and think I kicked off my 40's in a truly spectacular way - I surrounded myself with a few of my favorite people and really just enjoyed every moment of our trip. I am fairly healthy, have awesome friends, love from my family and a partner that is the love of my life. We have an awesome home, great kids, and 2 of the cutest dogs ever so who cares if I hate my job - right? Hopefully this year I will be able to spend some time with each of you - that way I can celebrate the entire year.

PS - Thank you again Dean for the most thoughtful gift EVER - I truly love it! Also, I took some pics of Princess after her show - I'll post them on my blog soon. Sorry Hooch - the black eye shows in most of the photos so if you want me to edit you out just say the word!

So Cal Story - Like a Virgin

I know, I know, the mere thought that I would ever feel even remotely like a virgin again after all that I have been through is a complete joke. Like the words to the great Madonna classic, “I've been beat, felt incomplete, I've been had, I've been sad and blue, yet somehow I can still at times feel shiny and new”. Such was the case Wednesday night when I saw Madonna "live" for the first time ever. Yes, it's true - I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht, I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got. I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a gay man (or anyone really) ain't supposed to see, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to Madge.

Over the years I have seen many of my favorite performers live. The very first concert I ever went to was Quarterflash at the Civic Auditorium in Redding, CA. At the time "Harden My Heart" (or as we used to sing it at the time "Pardon my Fart") was all the rage and I was so excited to be at a live event. The Greg Kihn Band followed that concert, which was actually pretty good. I can't remember if this was before the horrid "Jeopardy" video or after, but it was fun none-the-less. My first "BIG" concert was A Day on the Green in Oakland. Dean & I were 16 and somehow (and I am still not entirely sure he did it) he had managed to convince his VERY religious parents to let us take their car from Redding to the Bay area to go to a rock concert. The line-up was Bryan Adams, Night Ranger, Edie Money, Triumph and the headliners were Journey. I was a huge Journey fan and I while I had no clue who Triumph was (and still don't to this day), I was excited to see the rest of the bands too. We loaded up on Coke-a-cola (yes, the drink, not the drug) and cartons of cigarettes and off we went. We ended up meeting some really cool people during the day and the concert was awesome. All I really remember clearly was eating watermelon that had been drenched in alcohol, chain-smoking like 3 packs of cigarettes and L-O-V-I-N-G Journey. As the years have passed I have seen all of my favorites (Prince, Janet Jackson, Wham!, Tori Amos, Pink, Whitney Houston before she became a crack-head), been introduced to some artists that I didn't know much about (Smashing Pumpkins, Fiona Apple, Garbage, Bush), and became fans of some groups that I hadn't really thought much of prior to seeing them live (Van Halen w/Sammy Hagar to this day ranks as one of my all-time favorite concerts and I had desire none to go - I was basically being used as a tool by one of my sisters to make her boyfriend jealous - long story I'll tell some other time, and also Aerosmith (see Van Halen).

Madonna and Depeche Mode were the two 80's artists that I never got a chance to see. I've watched the Madonna HBO specials and have always thought that if ever I had the chance I would go. The last tour she did was basically a "greatest hits" type deal and I wanted to go SO BAD, but at this point in my life I am usually completely unaware of who is touring where and when and I never know when tickets are going on sale, so I missed her "Reinvention" tour. Her latest cd is one of my favorites from last year and probably one of my all-time favorites of hers as well. I had heard that she was touring for the cd and thought it would be a lot of fun to see it, but as per usual the tickets went on sale and the shows sold out without me even knowing they were going on sale. One day Allan mentioned that she was adding a show and that it was going on sale the next day. I had to work and we have the firewall from Hell on my work computer so I knew there wasn't a chance of getting tickets and just kind of forgot about it. But thankfully Allan didn't. My sweetie-pie guy went online the next day and got us tickets!!! Apparently he had never seen her either and like me loved her last cd. They were $120 a piece, but as far I was concerned it was worth it - it would be a make-up for all of the Madonna shows missed. I gave Allan my money and then completely forgot all about it.

A couple of weeks prior to the show I was looking for something in a stack of papers on my dresser and came across the tickets and I was actually kind of surprised. I had REALLY forgotten all about it. Anyhow, the day comes. We leave a little late, but had still given ourselves about an hour and a half to get there. All I can say is that I will NEVER go to a concert on a weeknight at the Forum in Los Angeles - I don't care who it is or how bad I want to see them. Going about 2 blocks to get into the parking lot took over a half hour - add that to the regular traffic nightmare that is Los Angeles and we ended up getting there about 20 minutes after the show was supposed to start. Thankfully for us Madonna knows her gay fans run late so she didn't start until about 8:45. She opened the show by coming out of a huge disco ball that dropped from the ceiling and it was completely fantastic. She had three video screens on the stage behind her that were showing some amazing images and the audience (including Allan & I) was going absolutely nuts.

Having watched a lot of Madonna's concerts on TV I always got the impression that Madonna had a lot of fun performing live. She always seems to have a great time with her dancers and back-up singers and she usually has a lot of interaction with the crowd. I loved this show - the music was AWESOME, her voice was great, the way she mixed it was awesome, and I really loved all of the songs she chose to sing. However, the one thing that I had an issue with (to say that it bothered me would be an over-statement) is that she didn't seem to be having much fun during this show. Maybe it was because we were in the nosebleed section and I couldn’t get a feeling of her from so high, I don't know. I just felt like the show was choreographed to the second, there was no room for spontaneity, and even though she was performing some amazing dance music it just didn’t really feel like a party. Having said that, I feel as if I got my $120 worth and I am beyond happy that I finally got to see her.

So that is it for now. I have a busy few weeks coming up here – I am going to a show to watch my friend “Princess” dance is a burlesque show, will hopefully be visiting with my dad soon, Andrew is graduating from the 8th grade soon (if he can pull his head out of his ass and pass (of all things) PE, and then football season starts and my life becomes a chaotic mess again. The one good thing about the upcoming season is that Justin passed his driving test a few weeks ago and is now a licensed driver in the State of California, so now he can drive himself to the places he needs to go. In some ways it makes me feel old (which considering I am turning 40 soon I guess is true) and in other ways it makes me feel excited for him to be gaining some independence. Either way it means that I will only have to worry about getting Andrew where he needs to go and Justin can worry about himself. I did go to Lake Tahoe recently – one of my sisters got married – and I will write about that (and post a few photos) soon.