So Cal Story - You Make Me Sick (04/25/05)

Written 04/25/05

Well, I know I promised to be better about writing, but as they say, promises were made to be broken. It seems the more I think about writing the busier my life becomes and I just don't make the time for it that I should. However, with the changes that have been happening in my life I may yet become better at it.

The problem I have been having lately with writing is not just that I don't have time, but also that my brain just hasn't seemed to have had the capacity to put together a string of thoughts to form a story. I was always tired, didn't feel good, and by the time I got home from work I was mentally and physically exhausted. I had put on a bunch of weight - in fact, I was at the heaviest I had ever been in my life - and basically just felt like shit all of the time. So, when suddenly I started losing weight without exercising or changing my diet I suspected something was up. Sure enough, a quick trip to the doctor confirmed that indeed something was up - my blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels and all sorts of things that I had never given much thought to. Turns out eating Hostess cupcakes, Snickers, ice cream and cinnamon rolls wasn't a good thing for me - who knew? Here I thought I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and that it would have no consequences. Unfortunately diabetes runs in my family and there I sat as my doctor told me that I have it. A week later my blood test results confirmed that my blood was basically a river of fat and sugar.

After freaking out momentarily I decided that not all was bad. I had already lost over 30 lbs, so I was on my way. The day before my diagnosis I had put a new road bike on lay-away and I decided that if all I had to do to get healthy was change my diet and start exercising then it would be ok. My doctor put me on medication for diabetes and cholesterol - I went back two weeks later and my blood sugar levels had gone from 380 something to 101 - which is a good thing. It appears I am on my way to getting better and I feel 1000 times better then I have in many, many years. I don't have headaches like I used to - I actually feel better after I eat - I have more energy - and I have been sleeping better. I still have a very long way to go, but I feel pretty good about the progress I've made in the past few weeks and I am committed to getting myself healthy. In fact, I went out this morning and picked up my new bike and took it (and Allan, Justin and Andrew) for a spin this afternoon - it is AWESOME and I couldn't be happier about my new purchase. My intention is to start riding it to work (which is about 4 miles each way) to help me get in the habit of riding again. I've attached some pictures - maybe someone can help me name it.

The other change that is going on in my life involves my marriage and kids. I don't know if everyone knows this or not, but my "ex" wife & I never got a divorce. There were many reason, but the main one was that she wanted to stay married for health benefit reasons and I didn't care because it wasn't like my boyfriend & I could run out and get married - it's against the law - right? So to me it really didn't matter for the longest time. Then, one day I was having a post-relationship conversation with an ex-boyfriend and he told me that one of the reasons he could never really take our relationship seriously was because I was still married and that he felt that we could never really combine our lives financially or otherwise because of that fact. It had never occurred to me that it would be an issue (yes, sometimes I am the last to arrive at the party) - in fact, I thought maybe it would add to the allure - you know, the guy would like the idea of sleeping with a "married man". But, as per usual, I was wrong. It's been over 10 years since Maryellen & I split up and you know what, it is just time. So, back in March I filed for divorce. Actually, I had Allan serve her the papers (he's such a trooper) and if all goes according to plan I will be officially divorced in October.

Around the same time I got a call from Maryellen and it turns out that, surprise, surprise, Andrew isn't doing well in school, he's been suspended twice this year - once for fighting and once for "harassment and intimidation". Allan & I had been discussing the possibility of Andrew coming to live with us for a little while now - his personality was starting to change (along with his height and voice) - he was becoming kind of withdrawn and seemed depressed. Anyhow, long story short, I just found out last night that she has agreed to let him come live with us. At the end of July he starts on the pop-warner football team here in Burbank. We are excited and scared - we really think this will be the best thing for him, yet we know it wont be the easiest thing. He seems happy about it too, so hopefully it will all work out. Allan has been absolutely AMAZING about all of this. To think, when I met him he lived here by himself and then first me, then Mary, then Justin, then Buster and now Andrew. I am constantly wondering what exactly it is that I did to deserve him.

So there you go. I am hoping that now that I am removing the sugar from my blood my brain will regain the ability to write again. Yes, with Andrew coming my time will probably be even more stretched, but I am hoping that I can make the time to be better about keeping in touch. I hope all is well with all of you!!