So Cal Story - I Try (07/23/03)

Written 07/23/03

This past June I turned 37 years old. I have never been one to think much about getting older the way some people do. Age does not scare me - there are those defining numbers - 25, 30, 40, 50, and at this point there are none that I approach with dread. In high school I had friends who had milestones planned for themselves - by 23 to be finished with college; by 28 to be successful in their career; by 33 married and starting their family;and to make a fortune and retire by 55 when the kids are leaving for college so that they could finally REALLY enjoy their hard work. I had no such agenda. I think if you would have asked me back then what my goals were my response would have been something like "I want to leave this shit-hole of a town, go to a big city, say Chicago, and get totally lost. College? Maybe someday. Marriage? Hell NO! Kids? FUCK NO! Career? Huh?"

Fast forward almost 20 years (yikes, the 20 year reunion is next Summer). Did I leave the shit-hole town? Uh-huh. My mother writes my address in her book in pencil. Here's the list: Long Beach, San Rafael, San Francisco,Anaheim, Folsom, Rancho Cordova, Sacramento, San Francisco, Castro Valley,San Francisco, Anaheim, San Diego, Sacramento, Castro Valley, San Francisco,San Diego, Burbank - in that order in 16 years. Some big cities along the way, but since I was usually traveling with someone or towards someone I never really felt lost. College? I tried. I had zero support from the parental's, was living on my own in the shit-hole town, and had no car. I quickly learned that the person that was available got the most hours at work, so I dropped out. I did manage however to take a photography class and thus far it hasn't helped me at all. Marriage? Yep, and honestly, I should have listened to myself. Kids? Yes, and while there are moments when I feel like I should have listened to myself I have to admit that they provide me with so much joy. Career? Huh? This brings me to my resume. My job with the LifeCycle ended on June 30th which has forced me to spend time looking at my resume. Do you want a list? Starts with banking - 5 years in a branch. Next is HR - there are 3 companies in as many years. Next is Salon Manager - huh? Kind of random don't ya think? Next is a Temp HR job for 3 months. The temp thing became Perm, so there is that. Next is retail management - four months. Then customer service for a non-profit for 5 months. Confused yet? Imagine the look on the poor recruiters face when they are flipping through the stack of resumes they are reviewing and they come across that. I'm confused and it's mine! So do you understand why I answer the career question with "Huh?". I've tried different things and the only theme I see is customer service and even that is a stretch. I've been thinking so hard about what to do next that my brain feels like itis going to explode. I ask myself all of the right questions. What do you like to do? What are you qualified to do? What are you passionate about? And unless you know of a job where the requirements are surfing the internet and picking the next Miss USA, Miss America, or Miss Universe (which, for the record I was able to do for the last two pageants) I am hosed. HR? Nah- there is always too much shit happening in the background that no employee should know about. Retail? If it was Monday - Friday from 9 to 5 I would consider it. Non-profit? It would depend, but probably not. Too political and since people make shit for pay there are some SERIOUSLY lazy people working there. Prostitution? Remember - I'm 37 and way past the point of people being willing to pay. I am left with the following - the economy sucks, jobs are few and far between, and I am unemployed. So, what is a guy with no college education and what appears to be no drive or direction to do?I received a present for my birthday this year. It was from one of myfriends on this list. It is a book called "The Everything Creative Writing Book - all you need to know to write a novel, play, short story, screenplay,poem, or article". The other night I was reading it and came across a quote from Richard Rhodes, author of "How To Write" and it said "If you want to write, you can. Fear stops most people from writing, not lack of talent,whatever that is. Who am I? What right have I to speak? Who will listen to me if I do? You are a unique human being, with a unique story to tell, and you have every right. If you speak with passion, many of us will listen. We need stories to live, all of us. We live by story. Yours enlarges the circle." I know that many of you have said basically the same thing to me in the past, but for whatever reason I wasn't able to hear it until I read this. I had convinced myself that the only reason you guys like my stories is because you can hear my voice as you are reading it and since you are connected to me in some way, shape, or form it gives you pleasure. And that may be true. But what if this Richard dude is right?What if I were to write and put it out there for people that don't know me? Would people listen? I have decided to find out. I am going to continue to search for a job that will pay my bills and enable me to take care of my responsibilities, but I am also going to write. I don't know what yet, butI am going to stop being afraid to share it. And I would like to include you in the process so let me know if you are interested in participating. Oh, and by the way - Thank You VERY MUCH for the book Dean!