Mother May I? (03/19/03)

Written 03/19/03

My mother sent me this recently and I had a weird reaction to it. This is what she sent:

"When I am an old Lady

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness, just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture, wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
And when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!
(When I'm an old ladyand live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry, I'll run, if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with mykids)

I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socksand throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look downwith a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet whenshe's sleeping!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

God bless all Mothers and Grandmothers everywhere"

Ok, so my first thought is - does she even remember if I behaved that way? I mean really, was she ever not drunk enough to even know if I was playing in the mud? So after some thought I decided that should my mother come to live with me I would just follow her lead. I'll go out every night after work and get hammered and totally forget to take care of her needs.

Do I sound bitter?